Goodbye Daddy

Oh how my heart aches! Although I have known this day would one day come, nothing really prepares you for when it actually does. Last night, March 8, 2008, at 11:05 p.m., my Dad took his final breathe and slipped on into the next life. This has led to a day and night filled with pondering. I wanted to share some of my memories and thoughts of my Dad.

I remember how he would tell the story of Chris and I stealing flowers from the Commanding Officer's home when we lived in Fort Irwin, California; or how he would relay the story of when we "ran away" from home because the other kids were not minding Mom. I remember how when he would talk about growing up, he would pronounce Washington .....Warshington. He loved his parents, and especially kept the memories of his mother fresh in our minds. He would relay the tender moments spent learning from them during those many years long ago growing up in Orting, Washington.

My Dad was never one to tell you that he loved you, but he would give you the shirt off of his back and a pocket full of money. He bought you things to tell you he cared. He was never beyond showing his love for his children's spouses or his grandchildren. He cherished everyone of his grandchildren.

Although my Dad was not perfect, he was my Dad and I love him very much. When I got the news that he likely would not make it through the night, immediately Sharman and I packed and packed the kids up to his parents' place. While traveling to Utah my family would frequently call me and ask for a status report. I would tell them where I was and tell them to tell him to hang on that I was coming as quickly as I could. At one point, about 15 minutes North of Ogden I remember telling my Mom that she could tell him if he needed to go he could but if he could hang on I was trying to hurry. Finally, when we arrived at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center, my Mom called again and said, you have to hurry, his vitals are dropping. I walked into his room and there standing around him was Laurie, Tammie (Cory, her husband), Amy, Mom, Chris (Sherry, his girlfriend), and a nurse. Sharman and I walked in and I leaned over and took his hand. I told him I was here and thanked him for waiting. I told him to tell Ben that we love him and that it was okay to go now. Within ten minutes, my Father took his last breathe and slipped into the afterlife to be reunited with my brother Ben and his parents.

As I sit here typing this I feel pretty surreal. I know Dad was ready to go, but it happened so quickly. I still look around at his things and expect to see him and hear him any moment. Dad I love you and and am so glad your passing was painless and quick. I miss you and my children miss you and we can all hardly wait to be together with you again. You are the light of my children's lives and will be forever.

God be with you until we meet again. I love you Daddy.

Authors and Designers

On the way to wrestling practice last night, Zack asked in a panicked voice:

Zack: Is wrestling practice over by 6 p.m.?

Me: No it goes to 6:30 p.m. like always.

Zack: Oh, man!! This is not good!

Me: What, what is wrong?!

Zack: I am suppose to go to Deseret Book tonight for a book signing.

Me: A book signing?

Zack: Yeah, a guy came to my school today and talked about his book and he is signing it tonight at Deseret Book at 6 p.m.

Me: Well I am sure he will still be there at 6:30 p.m. so maybe we can go then.

Zack: That would be great. Thanks Mom. I really owe you.

Boy was that going to prove to be true! When we got to Deseret Book at 6:45 p.m. the line for the book signing wrapped around the entire store! Several times he said, "I am so sorry Mom." I really didn't mind. I was impressed he wanted to even go so we waited for 1 1/2 hrs. in line for him to get to the front and get a poster and some stickers. Syd even got some.

On the way to Deseret Book, Syd turns to me and asks who made us.

Me: Heavenly Father made our spirits and then our Mom and Dad made our body.

Syd: Who made my body?

Me: Me and Daddy.

Syd: What did you use....paper and stuff?

Me: No, Daddy and I made you out of love....oh, and glue.

Syd: Ewww, you didn't use glue did you?

Me: No, not really, just love.

Syd: Ok good.

Mid-Life Crisis

My best friend at work, Emily, just posted a blog of 31 signs that she is getting old. This inspired me as I am nearing my middle 30s which I think entitles me to a mid-life crisis. With this new found knowledge I am going to list the 36 things that I am entitled to as part of my mid-life crisis:

1. Eat whatever I want and not gain weight as part of the deal since I am after all in the middle of a mid-life crisis
2. Purchase a hot new ride to sport around town in that is not necessarily purchased with a family of four in mind
3. Get a cute, sassy new hairstyle with no regrets
4. Find a handsome young man to follow me around and heed my beck and call. (Didn’t notice that this meant Zack but he fits the bill pretty well.)
5. Undergo a complete wardrobe makeover
6. Give up what little exercise I do and still look amazing (or at least everyone tells me I look amazing, this is my mid-life crisis after all)
7. Become a movie critic or as close as I possibly can to becoming a movie critic by single handedly keeping the movie theaters in town in business
8. Protest an unfair cause even if it isn’t my own because I can….oh wait, I already do that
9. Listen to 80’s music in an attempt to start an 80’s music comeback
10. Attempt to pass legislation giving special treatment for those of middle age since children under certain ages get to do things free and senior citizens get reduced fees there should be an age discount for those of us who just feel bad about being stuck in mid-life crisis phase
11. Refuse to allow anyone younger than me to call me “Madame”
12. Use all of the slang those in their 20s do proficiently
13. Highlight my hair in a dramatic color
14. Join Emily in hosting the much needed show….What NOT To Wear At BYU-Idaho….and giggle shamelessly about our prospective contestants
15. Giggle shamelessly about inappropriate comments
16. Wear designer sunglasses while driving a convertible
17. Get a tummy tuck (ok, not really but after two c-sections it is a bit tempting)
18. Attempt to pass legislation giving Emily and I the right to turn our lives into perfectly choreographed musicals
19. Run a marathon
20. Have plans each weeknight as well as each and every weekend
21. Go on a trip to Hawaii and Europe
22. Buy a Harley
23. Get a tattoo (totally I am not doing this as I am such a baby when it comes to needles)
24. Maintain a cool profile on Facebook with lots of friends who visit me daily and leave awesome comments
25. All of the 20-something age group secretly envy me and want to hang out
26. I have to check my “appointment book” to see if I can squeeze some time in for you
27. Go to the spa at least once a month
28. Get a pedicure
29. Enjoy quiet evenings at home with no running, screaming, or crying
30. Eat food with broccoli in it and not listen to …. “ew, this is so gross, I am not eating this!”
31. Be inundated with gifts from admirers constantly
32. Maintain a vocabulary of highly educated verbage without characters like Barney, Dora or Spiderman sneaking into the conversation
33. Spend time with my favorite guy and really date again
34. Watch the sunset and talk all night only to watch the sun rise on another day
35. Eat more chocolate
36. Have more fun

Girls Night Out

Friday night I went out to dinner and a movie with two of my favorite girls...Emily and Sierra. We went to eat at Applebee's but the line was long so Emily (being the shy girl she is, yeah right) told the hostess we would just sit at the bar. So in we marched. Boy is she sassy. We sat and ate dinner and laughed and had a wonderful time. Then we headed to our movie.

We went to see National Treasure 2. Sharman and the kiddos were also there. Emily and I sat on one end of the aisle with my family in the middle and Sierra on the other end of the aisle. Well, Zack seeing that Sierra was sitting on the end jumped up and headed down to "keep her company." Sorry Sierra. Then when the movie was over Syd jumped in the truck with her Dad and Zack strolled along with us girls saying he would be "happy to escort these fine ladies home." Oh brother. What a smooser. He is really going to break hearts as he gets older. All in all, the night was great. And I had leftovers for dinner another night. Yummy.

I love having girls night out and Sharman is so good to take the kids to do something fun while I get some time with the girls.

When I Grow Up I Want To Be...

Syd got in the car from daycare yesterday and told me she wanted to tell me her list of things she wants to be when she grows up. So here they are...

A Cheerleader

A "Maker" (A baker)

Take care of dogs

Do Clothes

Watch Babies

I told her that there was one job where she could do all of those things. She said really what. I told her a MOM!!

What's In A Name?

Zack and Syd pose outside in the cold as we pass Exit 44....."Jensen Road" on our way to Utah.

Do You Ever Feel Like...

So have you ever felt like you were the only one in a room full of laughing people who didn't get the joke? Or the one standing on the outside of a group desperately wanting to be a part but knowing you will never be good enough to be included? Or the person who tries so hard to find out you were aiming for the wrong goal? This seems to be my life lately. I see myself standing on the outside looking in and cannot figure out how to get in. I am beating myself up over it and that does no good either. Very frustrating.

But when all of the world seems like they are against me, I love that there is one person I can rely on...Sharman! This past weekend my kiddos and I went to Utah and saw the cousins. When I got home the only thing I wanted to do was unload. True to form, my sweetheart was there to help me carry the burden. He did awesome!! He listened without trying to fix it or offer advice which is exactly what I needed him to do. He didn't read the paper and "listen," he really listened. When all was said and done he was the one I wanted and needed and he was there for me. My house was spotless when I got home. He had done the dishes, laundry cleaned, swept, you name it, it was done. What a lifesaver.

I just couldn't help but sit and think of all of the things I am thankful for after that. Most of them have to do with Sharman and how much I love him. He is so good to me and I cannot help but wonder how differently my life would be without him. Truly it would not have been this good. I am so blessed.